In one of the parenting books I have read way back then, when a child misbehaves, a parent is provided with a wonderful opportunity to teach his/her child the difference between what is (conventionally) right from wrong, or what is appropriate vs. inappropriate behavior. Children are not born with the ability to distinguish between the two as they often behave according to their instincts. Children need a grown-up to patiently tell them that no, you cannot grab a toy from your playmate just because you want to play with it(toddlers); you choose only one toy instead of asking parents to buy, buy, buy whatever you like in the store (pre-schoolers); and some words you hear from other people are considered rude - these are called cuss words and are not meant to be said at all (primary to adolescents). The list of misbehaviors is endless.
Parents can't help it and see it as a reflection on their parenting skills when their child misbehaves. But remember, a child has inadequate or no knowledge at all of the intricacies of propriety, nor the nuances of good and bad behavior. What is crucial is how the parent responds to these misbehaviors or disciplinary faux pas(es). Are the misbehaviors totally ignored just so that the crying will stop or to avoid "upsetting" the child? Or do we take time to explain the situation to him/her?
I find stories or storybooks as great tools in teaching and promoting the values and good behavior that I want a child to practice before a misbehavior ever occurs or even after it has occurred. Without putting too much pressure on the child or the situation she was in (the misbehavior), the misbehavior can be discussed through the story's characters or through the plot. Why did she do that? Do you think what the character did was good or bad? What could she have done to prevent the bad thing from happening?
One such book I used when Bea was at that phase that I call "tigas-ulo" (stubborn-headed) and was always contradicting what I told her to do is this book that she herself often borrowed from her nursery school's library:
The main character Maggie is sent to the grocery by her mom to buy some items. Before she set off to do her chore, her mom reminds her of several things, but of course, Maggie doesn't listen to any of them and finds herself in trouble.
Mommy said, "Maggie dear, I think you've seen
That I don't make up rules 'cause I want to be mean.
I just want to know that you're quite safe and sound-
That you're not lost, or hurt, or in mud on the ground!
I love you, and that's why I say what I say,
And once you know that, I hope you obey."
Because Bea showed a fondness for this book, I bring Sir Maggie the Mighty up whenever she herself was in that disobedient mood.
"Remember what happened to Maggie when she didn't listen to her Mommy's warnings?"
What I like about this story is that aside from teaching the value of obedience, it explains to the child that parents don't "discipline" their kids just to be mean but because we love them and don't want them to get into trouble.
Her fondness for this book led me to buying Sir Maggie online as well as the other books in the series:
and this one which I was lucky enough to find in Booksale for P25.00!!
So what books have you found to be effective in teaching the right values or when a child misbehaves?
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