When Children Misbehave

In one of the parenting books I have read way back then, when a child misbehaves, a parent is provided with a wonderful opportunity to teach his/her child the difference between what is (conventionally) right from wrong, or what is appropriate vs. inappropriate behavior. Children are not born with the ability to distinguish between the two as they often behave according to their instincts. Children need a grown-up to patiently tell them that no, you cannot grab a toy from your playmate just because you want to play with it(toddlers); you choose only one toy instead of asking parents to buy, buy, buy whatever you like in the store (pre-schoolers); and some words you hear from other people are considered rude - these are called cuss words and are not meant to be said at all (primary to adolescents). The list of misbehaviors is endless.

Parents can't help it and see it as a reflection on their parenting skills when their child misbehaves. But remember, a child has inadequate or no knowledge at all of the intricacies of propriety, nor the nuances of good and bad behavior. What is crucial is how the parent responds to these misbehaviors or disciplinary faux pas(es). Are the misbehaviors totally ignored just so that the crying will stop or to avoid "upsetting" the child? Or do we take time to explain the situation to him/her?

I find stories or storybooks as great tools in teaching and promoting the values and good behavior that I want a child to practice before a misbehavior ever occurs or even after it has occurred. Without putting too much pressure on the child or the situation she was in (the misbehavior), the misbehavior can be discussed through the story's characters or through the plot. Why did she do that? Do you think what the character did was good or bad? What could she have done to prevent the bad thing from happening?

One such book I used when Bea was at that phase that I call "tigas-ulo" (stubborn-headed) and was always contradicting what I told her to do is this book that she herself often borrowed from her nursery school's library:



The main character Maggie is sent to the grocery by her mom to buy some items. Before she set off to do her chore, her mom reminds her of several things, but of course, Maggie doesn't listen to any of them and finds herself in trouble.

Mommy said, "Maggie dear, I think you've seen
That I don't make up rules 'cause I want to be mean.

I just want to know that you're quite safe and sound-
That you're not lost, or hurt, or in mud on the ground!
I love you, and that's why I say what I say,
And once you know that, I hope you obey."

Because Bea showed a fondness for this book, I bring Sir Maggie the Mighty up whenever she herself was in that disobedient mood.
"Remember what happened to Maggie when she didn't listen to her Mommy's warnings?"

What I like about this story is that aside from teaching the value of obedience, it explains to the child that parents don't "discipline" their kids just to be mean but because we love them and don't want them to get into trouble.

Her fondness for this book led me to buying Sir Maggie online as well as the other books in the series:



and this one which I was lucky enough to find in Booksale for P25.00!!



So what books have you found to be effective in teaching the right values or when a child misbehaves?

I Have to Go

Potty Training is a serious business for parents with toddlers. It is the "last big hurdle of toddlerhood" (M. Kennedy, Last Straw Strategies, Barron's). At around 2 1/2 or 3 years of age, you decide that you've had enough of diapers and it's time to use that cute potty trainer that you've bought from the mall for your child. However, it's not as easy as it sounds. Pooping is a bodily function that you thought would always come naturally, but if your child is not yet ready for that 1st venture into the unknown called THE POTTY, he/she and her tummy can decide to go on strike, believe me. There goes constipation. Make sure you're stocked up on suppositories.

Is your child ready for potty training? Parents...are you ready?

A book I found useful to prepare my toddler waaay back then was this Sesame Street Toddler Book titled I Have to Go.










Little Grover was riding on his choo-choo train when suddenly, he feels something in his tummy and says, "I have to go." On his way back home, he passes by Little Big Bird, Little Ernie and Little Bert, Little Cookie Monster and Little Betty Lou. One by one, all of his friends would invite him to join in their games, and every time Little Grover would answer, "I have to go." His friends wondered, "...but Little Grover, where are you going?"

When Little Grover reaches his home and tells his mommy, "I have to go," Mommy immediately understands and leads him to the bathroom. And Little Grover went, all by himself.




Question-and answer was the tool I used to let my toddler (and students I have currently used this book with) get the concept of pooping and potty training across. What does Grover mean when he says "I have to go?" What is going on inside his tummy? Why does he need to sit on the potty? Why does he need to pull down his pants? Did he have a diaper? And so on, and so forth, letting the toddler answer for himself and understand the situation that Little Grover was in.

Of course it takes more than just a book to teach potty-training, but the visuals from a book, like blue Little Grover as well as discussing and making light of a situation that toddlers find embarrassing (when they have those 1st pooping accidents) can help prepare them for this task.

I still use this book with my pre-schooler from time to time when she finds it hard to poop due to constipation. Actually, she reads it inside the comfort room until you know what comes out.

My Lucky Day

This has got to be the funniest children's book I have ever read. This book is meant for pre-schoolers and above, but the humor will be best appreciated by adults. This book tells us that some of the things that we perceive to be blessings may be the opposite or that we have to be wary of scammers, even if they come in the form of an innocent-looking, cutesy, little pig. Children love this at story-telling time because of the animal characters that are easy for them to identify and whose sounds they love to make. Here are some excerpts from the book:







The story starts off at the house of the wolf who suddenly gets an "unexpected" visit from a pig. Thinking it was his lucky day, the wolf grabs the pig and prepares him for his dinner.












However, the pig makes all sorts of requests (which the wolf naively grants) to postpone its inevitable demise. First, the pig says it's's too filthy to be eaten so it requests for a bath.



















Next, it said it was too thin and needed to be fattened up so it will be a better meal for the wolf.












Finally, and this has to be the clincher - the pig requests for a massage so that its tough meat becomes more tender.

















So who do you think is the lucky one in this story?























My Lucky Day, Scholastic, Inc.

Cloth Books or Board Books?

Parents sometimes ask me, which is better reading material for younger kids, cloth or board books?

Cloth books are made intentionally for the lower age range in children from 0-2 years; these are the infants. Children of this age do not yet have adequate strength to lift a board book or if they do, their psychomotor skills are not yet refined, hence, those board books might fall on their teeny-tiny toes. Cloth books provide an alternate "reading" material for infants. More than anything else, a cloth book's value lies in interactive play because it can have a variety of strings, rattles, pulleys for infants to busy themselves with. The different textures in the cloths used also make a cloth book interesting. Some pages can be soft, crinkly, rough or smooth.



You'll notice that these cloth books sometimes end up as chewing material for infants, so it's important to have them washed regularly as well as to check for any chokeable material on them. It may also be wise to check the cloth book brand for lead content levels in the inks they use.

Now for actual reading value, the difficulty is that page-turning, an important pre-reading skill that can be taught for this age group, may not be developed well for the users of cloth books, both for the lower and upper age range. Since the material is soft and wobbly, holding the book properly and turning its pages can be quite cumbersome. Much assistance is required from an adult.



Board books on the other hand are meant for the toddlers or those in the upper age range. Board books are sturdy, hence, they cannot be easily torn by those strong toddler hands. You will be surprised to find out that board books can be used to teach page-turning even for the infants because they are chunky. But do keep an eye on an infant with a board book because it might end up in his/her mouth. Board books, though sturdy, are still made of paper and again, lead content for inks and colors used are suspicious.

So which is better then, cloth or board books? With my experience with my children and the other kids I teach, I would personally veer towards board books but of course, it all depends on the child's interest. Try buying a few of both cloth and board books and see what your child likes. When it comes to beginning readers, my philosophy is, give them whatever they like.

Helloo There!

Happy New Year! To welcome 2010, the Year of the Tiger, I've decided to start blogging about something close to my heart - READING. Since I have a reading center for children called The Reading Nook somewhere in Makati, I would like to share with you, especially to the parents out there, tips on reading to children, books that are developmentally appropriate, the latest buzz on reading practices and other discussions in the academe on reading specifically for children. I am starting this blog because I have always believed in the value of reading. It is never too early to start your kids on this habit, as well as for us parents to re-introduce ourselves to the joy of children's literature. I myself am a mother to two children, 6 year old Bea Liana (aka Princess Bea) and 1 year old Jacinto Emmanuel (aka Neo). As early as when both kids were in my tummy, I have already started reading to them. Even if it's only from a mother's soothing voice, studies will show that there are benefits to reading to an infant while he/she is still in a mother's womb. What more of the wonders that reading can do to a child who can already speak, think and rationalize with you? I am doing this blog, 99% for my 2 kids because I am always on the lookout for good reads for Bea and Neo, as well as for my other children - the students whose reading foundation I am helping to build. May this coming Year of the Tiger be a roaring success to all of us who believe in reading to our children!